A Week of Baby-sitting

March 25, 2011
As the week draws to an end so does my babysitting. I just left little Lisbeth with Wes and Cindy Williamson and am now on my journey back to San Pedro Sula. The goodbye was definitely with sadness in my heart because I realized that Lisbeth had become attached to me again and she trusts me, and now I am leaving for a long time. I will always treasure this week and its special memories as I played with her, held her, read to her and sang with her. There were various moments when I wanted to cry, both from joy and from sadness.

This week with her showed me a lot about the heart of a three year old. Tuesday morning LIsbeth woke up sick and so I stuck close by her to make sure that she had the bucket in time no matter where she was. We ended up watching Nemo and then reading. By late afternoon she seemed a lot better so we headed down to the beach with another missionary family. It was Lisbeth’s first time to see the ocean (well the Caribbean) and the waves. She was appalled when Becca picked up the sand, saying it was dirty. And it took her a bit to get accustomed to the waves but soon she was delighting us all with her laughter each time a wave came in and whoever was holding her jumped and held her high above the swell. It was probably only the cold that drove her out of the water before the others.

Wednesday I headed to La Ceiba to finalize my car sale. Thankfully things went quite well and we found someone to do the paperwork and standing in line for us so the new owner was even able to pick up insurance while we waited. I returned to Balfate with no car in my name which felt a bit weird. When I got there, Lisbeth was still down for her nap but when she awoke she was happy to see me but then stayed rather somber. Becca said that she often likes to be held after her nap so I picked her up and cuddled with her. Before long she started to whimper and then cry. She would not respond to the question of whether she was sad or not, but we were pretty sure that was the case. Perhaps she thought that Wes and Cindy would be coming back to her or her mommy or who knows what. Whatever the case she spent the next half hour or so crying and Ellie and Becca joined me in singing, praying and holding her. In the end Lisbeth calmed down and she looked up at me with deep eyes that seemed to hold the question, “Can I trust you?” I eventually got up to make dinner and minutes later she was laughing and playing with Becca. I saw though the raw pain in her heart and eyes as she struggles to understand the changes in her life and particularly why her mommy is not around.

Throughout the week I discovered that any personal time I wanted pretty much needed to happen early morning or late at night, though I was always very tired with the latter. Thursday morning I finally made it a priority to go for a run so I headed down to the dirt road in front of the hospital community to run. It was all good until a vehicle would go by and stir up lots of dust. I concluded the run by running on the beach along the water’s edge. This morning I made that my whole run and ran up and down the beach line. It was a tranquil spot with an awesome view of the water, the Cayos Chinos (islands) across the way), a mangrove swamp, terns, and a kingfisher. I paused in the run long enough to catch three leaves amongst the many that fell on that beach. My feet stayed dry but when I would retrace my steps, many of them had already been washed away and forgotten. Hmm… does that hold true to life and wherever we tread? There are those places and people whom we will forget and they will also forget us. Our impact may not remain visible. But then there are those lives in which the footprint we leave behind is permanent. I want to be the kind of person who leaves footprints that are permanent because they speak of Christ Jesus.

Thursday itself was more of a challenging day with Lisbeth because shortly into the morning she scraped her knee (slightly) and that set her off in crying. It was humorous seeing her kick the soccer ball later favoring only the one leg and maintaining the idea that the other was hurting. There was a lot of whining and not wanting to leave Ellie and Becca alone so that they could do their school work. I discovered that you sometimes have to be creative to get cleaning down with a toddler around. Thankfully she became entertained with an indoor swing that they had at the house where we were staying, but I had to push her every few minutes since she has not gotten the art of pumping ones legs to maintain the swinging movement. During her nap time I finished the preparations for a dish to take to the Thursday evening fellowship meal that happens nearly every Thursday night in this missionary community. Because I knew that I was leaving the country in three days I was not exactly excited about meeting lots of new people, but it was good in the end. Throughout the course of this week I have read Green Eggs and Ham or Huevos Verdes con Jamón more than any other time in my life. It is Lisbeth’s favorite book and she wants to hear it before bedtime and every naptime. I usually enjoyed bedtime though because after reading a Bible Story and then Dr. Suess, we would sing and pray with Lisbeth. Many times she would join in on the song to the best of her ability. Her singing of “Jesus…” or “Worthy…” touched my heart.

And now here I am at Friday and my final days in Honduras. I left the Williamson children around noon today, taking Lisbeth with me so that they could get school work done and so that she would see Wes and Cindy were back before I took off. When I mentioned to her that I would be going on a trip and not see her for a long time, she got sad. I thought that she might choose the rejecting (“well then, I am just not going to love you anymore”) stance but she did not and was willing to hug me up until we parted ways. It would seem that I am a post griever and that the realities of all of my goodbyes this past month will not hit me until later – probably when things slow down a bit. Right now, I continue to move from one thing to the next and from one visit, with its goodbye, to another.

The Chicken Bus Travel

March 14, 2011
In amongst the scary turns and the construction on the highway from Tegucigalpa and San Pedro Sula I am taking a few moments to update my blog. I am returning from a trip to visit missionary friends in Tegucigalpa and a few days with Evelin at the rehab center. My friends, whom I had known from Costa Rica, just arrived in Honduras the end of January so I was able to hear about their ministry and see a bit of their life. I was reminded of the instability of life in Central America the one afternoon as I sat with my friends outside playing a game of Settler’s in the green area within the walls of their apartment complex. All of a sudden, not too far away, we heard the rattle of gunfire. It broke the tranquility of the afternoon. A little while later we heard a car alarm going off but it was a moving car alarm which meant it was probably being stolen. And then the final break in tranquility was when their neighbor, a lawyer with a bodyguard, pealed into the parking area and then left quickly. You just never know what to expect. But I am reminded that it is nothing in compared to the tragedy and instability in Japan right now. Because I had no internet much of the weekend I have not been able to keep up on what is happening there, but I know that it is not good.

The other main part of my trip was a visit with Evelin. I knew that it would hold challenges because on Friday she told me that she was ready to leave even though she is only two months into what is at least a four month program. I knew that there were lots of prayers being lifted up as I went into the visit and looking back I see God’s hand at work. I have discovered over the last few years that God seems to bring me back into Evelin’s life in just the right moments. I am honored that He continues to work through me in her life. Saturday evening we talked with one of the staff at Door of Hope and presented Evelin with the reality of the future, that which she preferred to overlook. Through sharing with her and a time of prayer, God spoke to her heart and convicted her she recognized that this was not God’s timing for her to leave. Her desire is to submit to His plans. I know that the road ahead of her will still hold many challenges but I am thankful to see her looking to fix her eyes on Jesus and not the battles within.

These bus rides are interesting. Whether it be bad movies which I would rather not see or now opera, I have not been too impressed with the on-board entertainment. I try to drown out the sound with an I-pod and music but it only partially works.
As I return to San Pedro Sula, I will be picking up my car from the mechanic and hopefully everything that needs to be fixed for selling it will be taken care of. Things seem to be working out quite well with selling it but I am praying that on the day of signing papers and everything there will not be any glitches as can happen in this country. I feel like I do not have too many days left for meeting up with friends to say goodbye but I am hoping that the time I have is sufficient. I just need to plan ahead and plan well.

With all of the curves right now, I am feeling that I would be better off not looking at a computer screen so my entry ends here.

*I must add one more comment on my trip, now that I have reached my destination. I was traveling in a coach bus which provides extra security and a place to store your luggage. It is not what they call the “chicken bus” – the type where you may have a live chicken trying to sit in your lap. Well, I discovered that I was on a “chicken bus.” Mid-way through the trip, a bag that had been precariously placed in the overhead compartment, came crashing down to the floor and rolled under my seat. I could not reach it so I left it there, especially because no one seemed concerned about it. When we reached the city and the bag rolled in the other direction, a bunch of liquid spilled out onto the floor. At first I thought it was my soda but upon closer examination of the bag and its contents, I realized that what lay at my feet was a thawing chicken – and a big one at that. Why someone decided to transport a chicken from one city to another on a four hour bus trip, I cannot pretend to understand. All I know is that once the bag was open more and juices were running out a very unpleasant odor began to seep from the bag. I was thankful to get off the bus and move into the terminal.

The Heart of a Child

March 8, 2011

These past few days have contained lots of moments with little Lisbeth. So that the Williamson family could have a break and some time together, I took care of Lisbeth for various moments. Since a lot of the time overlapped with her naps, it was not very difficult. She has become a sweet little girl with a lot more joy in her heart. Her favorite past-time in preparation for sleeping is that of reading "Green Eggs and Ham." It is a tongue-twister in English but try it in Spanish for an even greater challenge. By the end of the month, I should know it pretty well. How precious it has been to watch her growing more mature and becoming more loving! She gives hugs out quite freely this days and when she needs to seek forgiveness, she will also give a hug of pardon. Her vocabulary is growing daily and so there is a spattering of words that you can here any given day. "Hola" is always said with a smile and a tilt of the head.

Yesterday morning we played make believe travel in a car as she sat in her car seat which had been left on the porch. Later we went over to her cousin's house where we played some soccer. It was an interesting game considering that she is only three and her one cousin is a year and a half. He was more interested in picking off the flower heads than in playing but Lisbeth could turn out to be a very good soccer player with all of her spunk and energy.

I am treasuring these moments to spend with Lisbeth because I know that they will not be many more. Tomorrow I will be in the city to get my car repaired and then heading to Tegucigalpa to visit missionary friends. My final stop will be a few days with Evelin as I both say goodbye to her and also encourage her.

These final days here in Honduras will be busy and I am praying that I can get everything accomplished in good time, in particular the sale of my car -- which is coming along as long as the one missionary family decides that it is a go.

So I am off to finish some details at camp before heading to the city this afternoon or tomorrow morning for car repairs.

The Whirlwind of Time

March 5, 2011
I had no idea that I would get so behind in blogging, but it has happened thanks to a myriad of events and busyness. These few current moments of quietness that I am enjoying are taking place at a hotel/restaurant in Honduras not far from the camp. I came here this morning to do a Skype call since the connection out at camp is sporadic at best. Soon I will head back to camp to continue my packing and organizing of things and then later to participate in a Young Adult retreat with the church I attended while living here. It will be a good way to re-connect and then say goodbye to a lot of people at once.

So much has happened in these last two months. Since returning to El Salvador after Christmas, the time was like a whirlwind, whipping past me. I spent over two weeks as a tía for several different age groups. Day one of my time with the six youngest girls, I realized that maybe I do not ever want seven children. Well, at least not all around the same age and all girls who do lots of fighting and complaining. Thankfully things improved after Day 1 but I was grateful to be able to move up and care for the four middle aged girls.

Just over a week ago I had my despedida “farewell party” at La Casa de Mi Padre. It was a bittersweet time as I enjoyed the songs and sharing of the children but also knew that it was “good-bye” as far as for me playing a significant role in their daily lives. They have taught me so much and I was thankful to hear from their own lips or pen that I have made an impact on their lives. Two days ago I received word that they father of a six year old girl there, was killed on his way to work. In moments like these, it is hard to not be closer to the children and staff to support them. The father was one who participated in family visits and showed lots of love to his daughter. I can only imagine the grief of little Karla at this point.

Last Saturday instead of traveling to Honduras as I had planned, we waited a day so that I could better pack and rest a bit. That morning as I ate breakfast with a family in a relatively safe neighborhood, someone came along and stole my spare tire. And so the rest of the morning was spent looking for a new tire and lock with the help of the one housedad. I could not believe that the theft had happened on my very last day in the country. In reflecting on the situation though, I realized that there are things for me to learn. All too often I am very dependent on my “spare tire” or “Plan B.” I like to have a back-up plan and know my way out of potential problems. Sometimes all of my planning comes at the expense of fully trusting in the Lord and His sovereign plans. And then too I often have way too many things with me, like an abundance of spare tires.

Well, that is an overview for the moment of a few recent happenings. If I can make the time to write, there will definitely be more to come. Car problems hours from the city, giving a ride to the police and their machine guns, Lisbeth’s latest development and skills and other such things. I will try to keep you posted.