Endings and Beginnings

November 22, 2010

Last week was a week of both endings and beginnings. Both have their place in our lives. On Wednesday the adoption of little Diana was finalized and after a farewell party, she left La Casa for good with her new adoptive parents. Hopefully this week she will be able to travel to the States with them in time for Thanksgiving. She left crying because she was leaving her home of nearly six years and all of the people whom she had grown to love. Even though a better life awaits her and her very own family, her thoughts were in the present moment and the losses she was about to experience. And how can a six year old even begin to process all of the changes? I remember moving to PA at age thirteen and I was not happy about the move. I was leaving the life I had known and though there were fireflies, soft grass, cousins, and snow in the north the trade off did not seem good at the time. But no more than a year later, I was convinced that the move had been for the best and I grew to love PA. I pray that the same will happen for Diana even as she adjusts to a new culture and language.

I think that spiritually I fall into a similiar position as Diana's resistance to the change many a time when I become content in the place that I am and the comfort of what I know. Being stretched spiritually and stepping out of the boat, I am not always about that. But God calls us to keep moving and growing. I do not want to be the same Jennifer Marie Hess that I am a year from now that I am today. The challenge though is saying yes to those steps that take me out of my comfort zone and the "prison" a comfort zone can even form. To move deeper into surrender to God and complete trust in Him as the director of my path.

The new beginnings of last week included the start of group therapy session with the girls' home even during the vacation. In the past they have only had group sessions during the school year but this year Patty decided to continue them through the vacation months because there are so many changes that have been "rocking" the home. A change in tias. A little girl leaving for adoption. An older girl beginning her first job. And so we focused on new beginnings as we talked last Thursday. We pray that these new beginnings will bring new life and new hope to the girls and that they can in the end grasp the changes as good, though sometimes painful in the moment.

I find myself adjusting to the vacation schedule and what that means for me and my interactions with the children and staff. In some ways I have a lot more free time to hang out with the girls. Last week that lent to some good times of talking with the older girls while helping them put up Christmas decorations or taking them on a walk. I have noticed that the girls spend the majority of their day watching movies and television and so I want to help offer some alternatives. Some of the girls would be interested in getting some exercise and it would definitely be good for them. After doing the race the other Sunday, I want to do another one in February if I am still here and I think it would be great to involve some of the girls. One thing that struck me though in my conversations with the girls last week is that when I leave, I will be yet another loss in their lives. I had kind of hoped that I could slip in and out without creating another hole or loss for them and yet to achieve that I would have had to maintain my distance and not really invest in their lives. I hate to think of causing them more pain though. And yet at the same time I do not want to check out of the relationships now. And so my prayer is that I will be able to invest in the girls for as long as God wants and that we will all be prepared for the goodbye and be able to accept it as a part of the package deal of relationships.

In This Present Moment

November 13, 2010
Saturday is bringing to close a long week – one in which I find myself very tired come this day – but it has also been a good week. The week has held challenges and disappointments but what brings me the most peace is that I know that I am exactly where God wants me for this present moment. I do not sense that the “present moment” will extend much beyond my one year mark in February but looking back and even ahead, I can see that God had me here to both fill in gaps and to gain new insights and perspective of what God is calling me to.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the schedule vacation events for the children who are now on vacation from school. We began with a “Tarde Típica” (Traditional afternoon) at the farm where we enjoyed traditional foods (I even prepared a Salvadorian dish though I learned it was not quite how they make it – I followed a recipe that probably cut the sugar in half) and some games. I had a little “kick-off” of vacation season at my apartment on Thursday when I served breakfast to fifteen girls and two tías. It was a good time. They seemed to enjoy the eggbake and baked oatmeal, both of which are not typical foods for here. Afterwards I shared some verses on encouragement (which is a theme God keeps bringing up in my own life) and then we took a few minutes to write encouraging words on a paper stuck to the back of each person. Each girl was then able to take home those words from their housemates and tías. I think it was good for all of them and I was encouraged as well by what they wrote.

The other big event of this week for me has been that of spending time with a family from the United States who is here to adopt one of the little girls. They are in the final stages of the adoption and really we had hoped the papers would all be signed this past Monday and they would have custody of her. But unfortunately the judge has asked for more paperwork and so they still do not have custody which means that someone from La Casa has to be with them and the little girl at all times as a chaperone. Two days this week that person was me and this afternoon it should happen again. What I have realized though is that God wants me in this role for the moment. It has been neat to watch the family beginning to bond with the little girl. There is much pain and stress for them right now in this waiting process but the Lord is sustaining them. I am encouraged and challenged as I watch them because I could see the Lord calling me to do a similar thing in the future though maybe in not cross culturally. Who knows? Certainly not I. But God is opening my eyes and for that I am very thankful. I try to stay out of the way so that they can bond and I can provide translation and be in prayer as needed.

My week has been long for one other reason and that is that I trained for a race for tomorrow. Nothing like last minute training! I heard about the race last Sunday – an 11km race. I have not run a race since college and it was never that long. I have continued to run though prior to this week I was not running a lot. When I saw the flyer for the race, I really wanted to do it. Not to win but just to run a race. So my goal is to finish without dying. I know that in the United States I would often go out for a 5 mile run after not having done so for months and I was always fine. Hopefully the same will be true tomorrow morning as I do the early morning race. I can let you know more after tomorrow.

The Flying Cockroaches

November 6, 2010

I believe that every place in the world probably has its hated critters. In the north there are deer ticks and black flies. My house in PA was often overrun by ladybugs which though cute by nature, are not so cute when found by the hundreds in one's house. Well, here in Central America one of my hated critters is the cockroach. Perhaps it stems from traumatic childhood experiences with cockroaches while living in Florida. A cockroach in your peanut butter and jelly sandwich in first grade is enough to create some later dislike of the insect. On Thursday evening I had some unpleasant encounters with cockroaches. Unfortunately the encounter came on the eve of just having helped two girls review for their science exam information about diseases and how cockroaches are carriers of many diseases. Thursday evening I was making a yogurt, fruit smoothie when all of a sudden I felt something land on my shoulder. I brushed it off and then discovered it was a cockroach that had just landed on me. I do not really scream, so no screams left my mouth but I think there were some gasps of horror! My problem with cockroaches is that though I hate them, I also hate killing them. The crunch and the gore are too much, especially when I do not have anything I want to dirty in my process of killing them. (I think I need to invest in a flyswatter!) This one was going to die though because it had landed on me. And so I pursued it with a vengeance and though it escaped once, it ended up dead and in the trash can. The thing was I had no idea where the cockroach had actually flew in from which made me a little worried since I had just been getting cereal out of its bag. Several hours later I returned to the kitchen and there was another cockroach on the counter! I was appalled because I had hoped that there was only one, but I guess that where there is one, there are many. Let’s just say this one died too but there were lots of squeals from me as I smashed it several times.

Friday morning I woke up early not feeling so well. Probably there was no actual connection to the cockroach incident but I had to wonder. I had gone for months without seeing cockroaches in the apartment but this week things went downhill. I need to find some natural deterrent of cockroaches. Supposedly ants do not like mint nor mosquitoes lavendar though my attempts at growing them in Honduras to prevent plagues of those two insects never really worked. The ants still made their way into the house and the mosquitoes too. Raid and daily cleaning will probably be the other option. So we will see but I hope to not have anymore bad encounters in this coming week.