Riding the Waves

March 19, 2009

I feel as if I have been riding the waves these past few days. I would catch one swell that would carry me in one direction and then another would crash upon me, sending me in a different direction. Of course all of the time the current was slowing pulling me in the direction of my final decision. (I have obviously been spending too much time in a tropical climate considering my analogy comes from the beach scene and not from a snow one.) Last week I thought I had found an apartment and took steps to rent it when another option was offered to me by the same landlord. It seemed that it would work even better and Evelin could get a job because of it. Over the weekend though part of that plan fell through. Then on Tuesday the final part of the plan failed and I was back to renting the apartment I had originally wanted to rent anyway. So other than the frustrations with how everything changes, it was not too bad.

But then yesterday when I went to give the woman the information for writing up the lease, I learned of a new development -- someone else who would be within the same building that I did not think would be a good influence nor connection for us. It was a red flag and had me praying once again last night. Finally this morning I decided that there have been too many obstacles, detours, and whatever else with this potential apartment, as well as time wasted. I feel like God is telling me to just stay where I am, indefinitely. I wanted to go cheaper and smaller but that does not seem to be God's leading. Perhaps He wants to teach me to trust Him more and not depend on myself. Perhaps the move would have been too much change for Lisbet who is beginning to adjust to life here. Perhaps He has plans to provide another housemate in the near future or He wants me to still have a place for other missionaries to stay when in the city. I do not know the reasons, but I am staying put and not moving unless God puts an apartment in my lap and says, "Move!!"

I wonder why I had to waste all of the time in the process of coming to this realization, but maybe I was not listening too well in the first place. I am glad that I met the other landlord, and I think we will remain in contact some in the future. I also have come to the point of feeling good about staying right where I am and last week that was not the case. I look forward to the day when I can see the "why's?" behind all of life's situations and questions.