Endings and Beginnings

November 22, 2010

Last week was a week of both endings and beginnings. Both have their place in our lives. On Wednesday the adoption of little Diana was finalized and after a farewell party, she left La Casa for good with her new adoptive parents. Hopefully this week she will be able to travel to the States with them in time for Thanksgiving. She left crying because she was leaving her home of nearly six years and all of the people whom she had grown to love. Even though a better life awaits her and her very own family, her thoughts were in the present moment and the losses she was about to experience. And how can a six year old even begin to process all of the changes? I remember moving to PA at age thirteen and I was not happy about the move. I was leaving the life I had known and though there were fireflies, soft grass, cousins, and snow in the north the trade off did not seem good at the time. But no more than a year later, I was convinced that the move had been for the best and I grew to love PA. I pray that the same will happen for Diana even as she adjusts to a new culture and language.

I think that spiritually I fall into a similiar position as Diana's resistance to the change many a time when I become content in the place that I am and the comfort of what I know. Being stretched spiritually and stepping out of the boat, I am not always about that. But God calls us to keep moving and growing. I do not want to be the same Jennifer Marie Hess that I am a year from now that I am today. The challenge though is saying yes to those steps that take me out of my comfort zone and the "prison" a comfort zone can even form. To move deeper into surrender to God and complete trust in Him as the director of my path.

The new beginnings of last week included the start of group therapy session with the girls' home even during the vacation. In the past they have only had group sessions during the school year but this year Patty decided to continue them through the vacation months because there are so many changes that have been "rocking" the home. A change in tias. A little girl leaving for adoption. An older girl beginning her first job. And so we focused on new beginnings as we talked last Thursday. We pray that these new beginnings will bring new life and new hope to the girls and that they can in the end grasp the changes as good, though sometimes painful in the moment.

I find myself adjusting to the vacation schedule and what that means for me and my interactions with the children and staff. In some ways I have a lot more free time to hang out with the girls. Last week that lent to some good times of talking with the older girls while helping them put up Christmas decorations or taking them on a walk. I have noticed that the girls spend the majority of their day watching movies and television and so I want to help offer some alternatives. Some of the girls would be interested in getting some exercise and it would definitely be good for them. After doing the race the other Sunday, I want to do another one in February if I am still here and I think it would be great to involve some of the girls. One thing that struck me though in my conversations with the girls last week is that when I leave, I will be yet another loss in their lives. I had kind of hoped that I could slip in and out without creating another hole or loss for them and yet to achieve that I would have had to maintain my distance and not really invest in their lives. I hate to think of causing them more pain though. And yet at the same time I do not want to check out of the relationships now. And so my prayer is that I will be able to invest in the girls for as long as God wants and that we will all be prepared for the goodbye and be able to accept it as a part of the package deal of relationships.